I’m just editing my Monday video and decided to read some comments on my previous video I posted yesterday. After reading the comments, I felt so…I don’t even know how to describe it. The support from you guys is just amazing. I will warn you, this post is pretty emotional.
I’m sure most of you know I had lots of troubles as a kid, especially with self esteem and making friends. As much as I want to say I’m past that phase of my life, there are still times where I still remember that horrible feeling of not having friends and always afraid to try new things because I always feel like I’m not good enough, or people will just laugh at what I have to say. If you’ve seen my Draw My Life video that I posted about a year ago, then you would know I was suicidal growing up. I know this sounds so sad and dramatic, but it’s true. There’s been many nights I would lock myself up in my closet and write letters and title them “to be read after my death.” Not even dramatizing, but that’s what I did. I would cry in my closet and look at myself in the mirror and repeat to myself over and over “no one loves you. Not mom, not dad, not your sisters, not grandparents. Not one person. There’s no point of you being here.” There’s been a few times I got so depressed I ran down to my kitchen and grabbed a knife and thought about what was the easiest way to end it. Boy, am I glad I have a fear of blood. Otherwise, homegirl wouldn’t be here today!
Again, that sounds so dramatic. But that’s just how I was. Anyway, the point of that really personal story is that at that time of my life, I would’ve never thought I can get past it. I told myself I know I’m not gonna make it to being an adult. Because sooner or later, I would have the courage to just “do it.” I get comments and messages from you guys a lot and realize many of you guys are going through what I went through. One thing I can say to you is that things will always get better. Even if they don’t, YOU will get better at handling it. NEVER, EVER think of cutting your life short because you never know what is ahead of you. Obstacles in your life right now are there to teach you a lesson, every time. When I was younger, I felt like obstacles were there to torture me. Yes, they feel like it. But they’re not. They’re there to teach you to be stronger, to teach you how to grow up, to teach you how to handle hardships. So I hope that you remember this! Whether this applies to you right now or not. Life is full of surprises, happy ones and heartbreaking ones. Always remember things will get better and to always have hope. That is what got me through the times I thought I couldn’t get through. Everyday, practice to be positive.
Next thing I want to say is that, I am forever grateful for your support. Whether you are a viewer on my YouTube channel, a reader here on my blog, a friend of mine, my family, a former classmate – I am thankful for you. I never learned to appreciate my life this much and feel so proud of myself until I started my YouTube channel. I was never smart in school (I’m still not, lol) and family members told me I’m going to be a useless person. Rude right? Anyway, I never thought I would have this many friends. You are all my friends, as cheesy as that sounds. I know we don’t know each other personally, but I want you to know you’re the reason I am the person I am today. You guys are always there to watch my videos, comment back to me on Twitter & Instagram, and leaving supportive comments just every where possible. Those things you guys do for me pushes me every day and puts a smile on my face. The opportunities I’ve been given from my YouTube career is all thanks to you guys. Because you guys believe in me and support me. I’m able to work with brands I never imagined I could and go to places I never imagined because of your support. My family can live a more stable life because of you guys. So thank you.
I will always strive to be better for you guys and for myself. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.