Feelings & Things

Hey guys!

I’m just editing my Monday video and decided to read some comments on my previous video I posted yesterday. After reading the comments, I felt so…I don’t even know how to describe it. The support from you guys is just amazing. I will warn you, this post is pretty emotional.

I’m sure most of you know I had lots of troubles as a kid, especially with self esteem and making friends. As much as I want to say I’m past that phase of my life, there are still times where I still remember that horrible feeling of not having friends and always afraid to try new things because I always feel like I’m not good enough, or people will just laugh at what I have to say. If you’ve seen my Draw My Life video that I posted about a year ago, then you would know I was suicidal growing up. I know this sounds so sad and dramatic, but it’s true. There’s been many nights I would lock myself up in my closet and write letters and title them “to be read after my death.” Not even dramatizing, but that’s what I did. I would cry in my closet and look at myself in the mirror and repeat to myself over and over “no one loves you. Not mom, not dad, not your sisters, not grandparents. Not one person. There’s no point of you being here.” There’s been a few times I got so depressed I ran down to my kitchen and grabbed a knife and thought about what was the easiest way to end it. Boy, am I glad I have a fear of blood. Otherwise, homegirl wouldn’t be here today!

Again, that sounds so dramatic. But that’s just how I was. Anyway, the point of that really personal story is that at that time of my life, I would’ve never thought I can get past it. I told myself I know I’m not gonna make it to being an adult. Because sooner or later, I would have the courage to just “do it.” I get comments and messages from you guys a lot and realize many of you guys are going through what I went through. ย One thing I can say to you is that things will always get better. Even if they don’t, YOU will get better at handling it. NEVER, EVER think of cutting your life short because you never know what is ahead of you. Obstacles in your life right now are there to teach you a lesson, every time. When I was younger, I felt like obstacles were there to torture me. Yes, they feel like it. But they’re not. They’re there to teach you to be stronger, to teach you how to grow up, to teach you how to handle hardships. So I hope that you remember this! Whether this applies to you right now or not. Life is full of surprises, happy ones and heartbreaking ones. Always remember things will get better and to always have hope. That is what got me through the times I thought I couldn’t get through. Everyday, practice to be positive.

Next thing I want to say is that, I am forever grateful for your support. Whether you are a viewer on my YouTube channel, a reader here on my blog, a friend of mine, my family, a former classmate – I am thankful for you. I never learned to appreciate my life this much and feel so proud of myself until I started my YouTube channel. I was never smart in school (I’m still not, lol) and family members told me I’m going to be a useless person. Rude right? Anyway, I never thought I would have this many friends. You are all my friends, as cheesy as that sounds. I know we don’t know each other personally, but I want you to know you’re the reason I am the person I am today. You guys are always there to watch my videos, comment back to me on Twitter & Instagram, and leaving supportive comments just every where possible. Those things you guys do for me pushes me every day and puts a smile on my face. The opportunities I’ve been given from my YouTube career is all thanks to you guys. Because you guys believe in me and support me. I’m able to work with brands I never imagined I could and go to places I never imagined because of your support. My family can live a more stable life because of you guys. So thank you.

I will always strive to be better for you guys and for myself. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.

17 Comments on Feelings & Things

  1. Vi
    May 19, 2014 at 11:04 pm (3 years ago)

    Much love, Weylie!

    Nothing to be ashamed about/ feel guilty about being “too dramatic”. Darkness happens and depression is real. Many of us can relate on so many levels.

    Thank you for all that you do. You really are an amazing and inspirational sister. <3

    Reply
  2. Teri
    May 19, 2014 at 11:06 pm (3 years ago)

    Yay! You finally have a blog! ๐Ÿ˜€ !

    I’ve had a childhood similar to yours as well.. suicidal, depressing and whatnot.. but eventually got out of it. & I’m glad you did too.

    Strive to be a better you everyday – I love how you’re always yourself and down to earth and comfortable infront of the camera! You speak through the camera as if we’re actually interacting and I feel like we’re friends (even though you don’t know me hahaha) :$ ๐Ÿ˜€ <3

    Love you sista!!!!!!!! <3

    Reply
  3. Sian
    May 19, 2014 at 11:07 pm (3 years ago)

    We all love you Weylie! I’m so glad you didn’t end your life, what would I do without your funny personality and smile?!?! <3

    Reply
  4. Rudelania
    May 19, 2014 at 11:13 pm (3 years ago)

    This made me tear up. This is why I support you and respect you as a person. You know struggle and instead of being a victim you use it to help others. Ive been what you’ve been through, in my own ways. I’ve had those thoughts as well. But I never gave up, just like you. I’m extremely grateful that you’re here. Things happen for a reason & i do not know why you endured that pain but it’s all in the past and it’s all made you so humble and made your heart so huge. There’s not a more rewarding feeling than the one to know that you made it past all your past trials and are smiling today. I wish I could hug you and just say something. You are a beautiful, amazing, talented, humble and important person.

    Reply
  5. Heaven
    May 19, 2014 at 11:16 pm (3 years ago)

    We love you Weylie. I know exactly how you felt growing up. My mom died when I was 11 and ever since then I was the shy girl that never talked in school and never had many friends. but you just have to deal with whatever life throws at you and make the best out of it, move on and grow from it. You’re amazing and you bring so many people happiness. and I always look forward to your videos!!

    Reply
  6. Britt
    May 19, 2014 at 11:16 pm (3 years ago)

    Weylie I needed to see this post more than you can imagine tonight. I want you to know that when I’m sad I watch your videos and they make my day! Thank you so much for being such a positive role model for me I love you girl <3

    Reply
  7. Tanya
    May 19, 2014 at 11:16 pm (3 years ago)

    Thank you for being you. I can really identify with what you went through. I have always struggled with having true friends and a good support system and feelings of depression. Though we are both the same age, I am still still going through these struggles and finding myself, but like you said, I’m getting better at handling it. Seeing you grow and encourage positivity to your viewers gives me hope.

    Reply
  8. katie
    May 19, 2014 at 11:18 pm (3 years ago)

    WEYLIE. I’m 16 and your blogs and videos literally give me happiness everyday. Me and my friends obsess over you because of your optimistic spirit and openness. I have gone through suicidal thoughts about a year ago and I have been able to overcome it because of I know I have so much to live for. Thank YOU for giving us viewers hope and continue doing what you do because it’s an inspiration to others.

    Reply
  9. Rika
    May 19, 2014 at 11:28 pm (3 years ago)

    Weylie!!
    You are my inspiration. I’m so glad I stumbled upon your YouTube channel one afternoon. After watching all your vids + the WahlieTv channel I became happy and felt like I could totally relate to you. I still can, you feel like a friend and I’m so excited whenever you upload. I’m sorry you had very depressing times, I can relate with you on your “suicidal” times. There was times when I felt worthless, crying that life isn’t what it’s all turned out to be. When I found your channel you gave me hope. I’m glad you exist, I’m glad your so relatable and I’m super excited for you that you are expierencing all your success and know that there is a lot more coming! Keep that positivity up and thanks for staying real ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  10. Linda Doan
    May 19, 2014 at 11:30 pm (3 years ago)

    Ahhh. reading your blog is making me cry.. It will only get better from here!
    You already reached 1 million subbies and you really improving on your videos. I believe you will get to where you want. You have people who love you and so many supporters!

    It is going uphill! There might be a few bumps in the road, but in time things will be where you want.

    I just wanted to say i love watching your videos and vlogs and I can’t wait to see where you go in life. I will definitely be one of your supporters for a long time. I love you!

    Reply
  11. Natasha
    May 19, 2014 at 11:34 pm (3 years ago)

    Weylie, this is amazing, what you described is something I am going through right now. I’m 18 and sometimes I feel like it’s not going to end yet somehow I find the strength everyday and people such as yourself give me so much inspiration thank you for being on youtube. You mean a lot to many people ๐Ÿ˜€ Natasha xx

    Reply
  12. Anicole
    May 19, 2014 at 11:42 pm (3 years ago)

    Weylie,
    I first want to start off by saying how much I look up to you and how much you inspire me. You’re independent and strong. You are a true role model.
    I also want to thank you for sharing this personal story about being depressed while growing up. I’m currently battling similar things and your message definitely touched me and gave me a different perspective of how I should view things. You’re so right. Things will get better, and if not, I WILL get better and I will only get so much stronger from it. Thank you for reminding me that I won’t always be stuck in this rut and that cutting life short is not the solution. Again, thank you. You’re amazing.

    Reply
  13. Jacqueline Chien
    May 19, 2014 at 11:58 pm (3 years ago)

    ๐Ÿ™‚ Weylie, I would like to say that I have had many suicidal thoughts. I always feel like there is something wrong with me making people hate me. I had many friends when I was younger but they just all slowly faded away. They either moved or made other friends or they just realized they don’t like me. I dont know but it seems like everyone around me looks down on me. I don’t know if it is because I am a tall Asian chick or because there IS something wrong with me. I have always been the tallest in all my classes since kindergarten. I am not exaggerating it. I have always been called names like big foot, King Kong, giraffe, etc. Anyways, the older I grew, the more suicidal I got. I don’t know what to do anymore. I used to try so hard in school and I tried to fit in because I was always poorer thanย other kids in my school. Now I try even harder to fit in and everyone just seem to not see me. I get so depressed that I just cry myself to sleep or attempt to kill myself. I know it is a bad thing to think about suicidal but I’ve heard that it is natural to think of suicidal due to depression. Reading this blog from my favorite youtuber (yes you are my favorite, probably because you are Asian and I feel like you are kind of a sister to me lol) made me feel like I’m not alone in this world. Even though I was a mistake, literally a mistake. (my mother didn’t know she was pregnant until I was about 4 months in her womb) I think that makes me feel worse about myself when my mother told me I was a mistake 2 years ago. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that you are inspirational to me and to other girls out there. Thanks. I love you homegirl.

    Reply
  14. Edith
    May 20, 2014 at 12:55 am (3 years ago)

    Giiiiiiirl! That was very real, we all love you so much and support you!

    Reply
  15. Maryam
    May 20, 2014 at 1:14 am (3 years ago)

    You don’t know how happy I am for you! You always can make me smile. I like how you have a point and wants us to understand it.
    I love your vlogs with Wah!
    I am sorry that I’m not able to watch EVERY single one of them because I have to learn but I def catch up aftrr my exams.
    I hope you have a wonderful day xx

    Reply
  16. Michelle
    May 20, 2014 at 5:30 am (3 years ago)

    Hi Weylie – you are truly inspirational to me. I suffer from both GAD and MDD and I too feel that the best but hardest choice in life was to keep on living. After three suicide attempts and numerous drunken nights, I finally got the help I needed and I couldn’t be happier. I wish you all the best and I continue to support you on your life’s journey. xxx

    Reply
  17. sarah
    May 20, 2014 at 2:24 pm (3 years ago)

    Hey Weylie your videos help me escape from my problems.. I suffer from anxiety and there were times when I wanted to kill myself (we’re the same age) because I felt depressed & missed school. I want to be successful but my anxiety is holding me back. I’m thinking of getting some help but talking about what caused my anxiety scares me because I feel like they’re embarrassing and there are times when i feel like I don’t want to face my situation at times and just want to end my life because i find it hard to open up to someone. I know that someday I’ll go to university and be successful and recover from my anxiety disorder. Lol i feel like im venting here but thank you for teaching me to always be myself and to be always proud of my Filipino culture because i use to be not so proud of being a Filipino but seeing you embracing your culture made me appreciate my culture too. Love you weylie! I’ve been watching your videos since 2010 ๐Ÿ˜€ i would like to meet you someday! Im from the UK btw hehe you’re my inspiration. Love you weylie ^_^

    Reply

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